Tech

The Five Most Useless Gadgets

Technology can be a great asset to human existence. Imagine where we would be without indoor plumbing, telephones, or touch screens. But sometimes inventors go too far and create things that add nothing to our world, or even, in the worst cases, hinder our lives. As technology becomes more and more a part of our daily lives, we're forced to ask ourselves: where is the line? When does technology stop being useful and become gratuitous and unnecessary? Well, with these five gadgets, we think we've found that line.

An Internet Connected Toilet That Tracks Your Bowel Movements

While we think this product is definitely bizarre and unnecessary (just keep a notebook under the sink if you really want to know when your last BM was at any given moment) we absolutely want to take it for a spin.

The Washington Post says, "You can now ask Alexa to flush. Kohler's latest high-end toilet connects to the Internet and responds to voice commands. Beyond flushing, you can ask Amazon's Alexa (as well as Google Assistant and Apple's Siri) to lift the seat or activate your favorite bidet spray configuration... There's no microphone on the toilet itself, but there are speakers to play your favorite tunes. Plus, it keeps track of water usage."

A Smart Hairbrush



This hairbrush contains a microphone that literally listens to your hair, vibrating when it senses split ends, so you know to stop brushing. Once again, total nonsense, but once again, we would absolutely love to try it out.

The company who made it, Kérastase, said, "Today, Kérastase, the worldwide leader in professional luxury hair care, in partnership with Withings, the leader in the connected health revolution, announced the Kérastase Hair Coach Powered by Withings — the world's first-ever smart hairbrush." They continue, "Developed in collaboration with L'Oréal's Research and Innovation Technology Incubator, the brush features Withings' advanced sensors and seamless product design along with L'Oréal's patent-pending signal analysis algorithms to score the quality of hair and monitor the effects of different hair care routines. An accompanying mobile app provides additional insights and customized product recommendations to help people better care for their hair."

Umbrella Drone

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This gadget is for the person who finds driving a drone easier than holding an umbrella. Meant for hands free walking in the rain, the umbrella drone only stays charged for half an hour and is inevitably more hassle than it's worth.

The Palm

This is a device meant for people so addicted to their smartphone, they need two to satisfy their connectivity cravings. Basically a smartphone without the most important components of a smartphone, such as texting and calling, this piece of junk is basically a glorified ipod. Tech Crunch said about the product, "This secondary smartphone is a device in search of a problem, appealing to an impossibly thin slice of consumer demographics."

The No Phone

This "gadget" is literally a rectangular piece of unmarked plastic. Meant to simulate the in hand feeling of an iphone and therefore stimy technology cravings, this gadget is, once again, a literal piece of plastic. Besides the fact that you can't get the dopamine rush of a Twitter notification from it, this product also serves as an incessant reminder of your cell phone addiction, likely only serving to worsen the problem. Also, imagine the looks you'll get from your fellow commuters when you pull this out of your pocket and stare at it.



Brooke Ivey Johnson is a Brooklyn based writer, playwright, and human woman. To read more of her work visit her blog or follow her twitter @BrookeIJohnson.

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