sexiest Halloween costumes

The 10 Sexiest Halloween Costumes of 2019

Being a Mature Adult With Very Important Things To Do™ doesn't have to mean you can't still enjoy Halloween.

If anything, Halloween is a great chance for you to take a break from your daily routine and try out a whole new persona––a costume, if you will. In your normal life, you're a mild-mannered mannered everyperson. Wake up at 6. Go to work. Come home. Watch TV. Bed at 9:30. Rinse and repeat. But on Halloween you can be wild and free, and most importantly, sexy. Because, you know, you're still an adult.

Anyways, these are the sexiest costumes of 2019, and you should buy one if you want to stave off that cloying thought in the back of your mind that you're wasting your life away on nothing while creeping closer and closer to death. Happy Halloween!


Sexy Optimus Prime

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If you've ever watched a big robot battle from the Transformers franchise, you've probably also thought, "Wow, if the Jesus allegory robot that turns into a giant truck was a human lady, I bet she would be very hot." Now you can be the hero of Optimus Prime fetishists everywhere.

Sexy Minions

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Minions may be the most annoying franchise on the planet, but that doesn't mean it can't also be sexy. Delight boomers and geriatric patients by turning their favorite medium for racism into something they can also fantasize about.

Sexy Fortnite

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Every gamer guy loves the idea of a girl who plays video games, at least until she wrecks his sh*t, and then he whines about it to all the eight-year-olds on his team. Anyways, wearing a Fortnite short is cheap (to the tune of $5) and very sexy to a specific demographic.

Sexy Daenerys

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Daenerys Targaryen may have been a sexy genocidal maniac, but she'll have nothing on you when you wear this unlicensed version of her dress, except with the middle part cut out. Now you can spend your Halloween explaining to everyone that no, you didn't like the ending either, and your rage will grow and grow until you set flame to the entire party.

Sexy Pikachu

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You're not even really Pikachu here. You're more like someone who skinned a Pikachu and is now wearing its fur like a savage. But it's kind of skimpy, and the image of graphic Pokemon violence probably won't arise for people without mental disorders, so I guess it's fine. Everything is fine.

Sexy Oblina from Aaahh!! Real Monsters

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Oblina was definitely the sexiest Aaahh!! Real Monsters character, or at least the second sexiest next to The Gromble, who straight up killed it in his four high heels. I'm 96% sure that a Halloween tryst with Oblina would be bucket list material for most Nicktoons fans, so if you go for this costume, prepare to be rejecting a LOT of thirsty dudes.

Sexy Girl Holding a Football

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This girl is just holding a football. Is that a thing that happens in football? Is this referencing something? I don't watch football, so I'm not really sure.

Sexy Steve from Stranger Things

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Everybody loves Steve in Stranger Things, and his Scoops Ahoy costume is both basic and recognizable enough that plenty of generic guys are sure to pick it as a last minute resort. The guy wearing it might look like a human default, but if you pretend it's actually Steve, maybe that will make it sexier?

Sexy Joker

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There's no bigger franchise right now than Joker, and you can be sure that every person you know will be rising up in their best purple duds. This Halloween, I foresee an army of sad men roaming the streets with a smile on their face as they practice their best cackles and quote the newest movie ad nauseam. At least, that's my plan. "Society is broken, but I just realized my life is a comedy except I thought it was a tragedy HAHAH!!!"

Sexy Daddy Shark

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This man is a predator.

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